Why can’t we switch off from our tech? 

Working from home can be highly convenient. Avoiding expensive commutes and the time it takes to get somewhere, we have everything we need right where we are so why change things. Well, convenience is not always the same as what’s good for us and we’re seeing more and more remote workers today feeling the strain of an always-on culture which is affecting their mental and physical health. 

Don’t get me wrong. Technology can work for us in profound ways if we are intentional about our lifestyles and how to make work work for us – this includes the rise in digital nomads working from anywhere, replacing the commute with healthy practices to set up the day and creating boundaries around flexible working hours that enable us to invest in our family and other interests. 

The reality in the majority of cases however, even with this wonderful possibility in front of us, is that we’re simply addicted to the technology rush, our post-pandemic survival brain in a permanent state of urgency, meaning we are glued to our screens at work and at play which negatively impacts our wellbeing. A combination of our survival state and the addictive nature of social tools (see Netflix’s documentary The Social Dilemma for insight) means we are more lonely than ever even though we are more connected and chasing short term dopamine hits rather than real connection. 

I’m also noticing how people are out of practice in the art of connection through conversation. We’ve become more transactional in our communication, naming efficiency in a hybrid world, when really many of us are simply out of practice and nervous about getting it wrong – so we stick to safe topics (the state of the world, weekend plans and work lists) rather than really see the person in front of us and understand that we all have a story – and that teams, families and relationships all work better when some effort and space is created for real connection. 

So what can we do about the negative impacts of technology and thereby boost our focus and wellbeing through true connection and that feeling of being seen? 

Firstly, it’s time to get radically honest with yourself about your habits. 

Do you use  technology or does it use you?  Do you feel phantom phone sensations when away from your phone? Do you find yourself scrolling through things that make you less efficient instead of more. Do you have notifications for everything set to on – emails, news, group messages – all of which trigger your nervous system to check if you are safe. 

Secondly, check your working practices. 

Are your working hours creeping up just because your laptop is next to your bed or you can work from your phone? Are the things you work on really urgent and essential to your business or is it simply habit that’s making you spend your golden morning hour on tasks rather than setting yourself up for the day? 

Finally, are you proactively connecting with people on a deeper level. 

We are out of the habit of connection and our wellbeing is taking a hit. This doesn’t mean just spending time around people – we can definitely feel alone in a crowd. Instead it means being brave enough to take the first step in asking a deeper question, picking up the phone to call someone or telling someone what you appreciate about them. 

People think being brave only means talking about your story or what’s going wrong in your life, of course that vulnerability is important and we need people in our life who will have our back and hear us out without trying to fix things – but it also takes bravery to talk about what’s going well, to tell someone we’re proud of them, to be grateful for the world around us and to truly listen to what is going on for someone else. Practising putting ourselves out there in this way, as well as being real about how we’re feeling, are the real building blocks of connection to counter what is often slipping away through the negatives of addictive technology. 

As stated earlier, technology isn’t the enemy, it’s how many of us have gotten lazy in putting ourselves out there so think about how you can utilise technology to boost wellbeing and performance. Calling someone on the phone (old-school), putting your camera on in a video call and disrupting your usual flow of conversation, texting someone what they mean to you and creating boundaries that increase efficiency and focus and hey, if you’re working at home why not creatively use your privilege as an opportunity to really live your best life rather than isolate and make life smaller.

Want to hear more from Petra contact with her here. https://petravelzeboer.com/services

Looking for a  coach? click https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/

How to recognise when it’s time to seek help, and how/why prioritising mental health leads to success

What does success mean to you and are you really on the path to getting there? 

We all have conditioned ideas of what success includes – influenced by society, culture, parents and education. A great job title, financial stability and finding a partner as you edge into your thirties and begin planning a family and perhaps a mortgage are often seen as western ideals of success. Without even realising it your ambitious teenage values can be eroded over time to make you think these exact markers of success are what you want. 

I spoke to a senior partner in a law firm recently and asked, what’s it like to make it to partner? Lawyers can work tirelessly day and night over many years to finally achieve this accolade and I was curious about the relief or celebration in reaching this level of success. He said, well to be honest I haven’t really celebrated. It was such a lengthy process that it was hard to really notice when I’d ‘achieved it’. Also, I just work more now and have to look after other people’s work’. 

How often do we think success or achievement will feel a certain way and then realise it’s just a stepping stone to the next thing, exhausted and burnt out in our quest to arrive. We may scale a startup successfully and then look around to realise we’re unhealthy and all alone, we may be the most senior in our business at the expense of our relationship with a spouse or children, we may focus on the wellbeing agenda in our business (yes even a noble cause) only to find compassion fatigue or health issues and burnout in the process. 

I want to firstly challenge what success means to us and how we measure it – it’s much better to build a fence at the top of the mountain than a hospital at the bottom after all. In a post-pandemic, hybrid world, the future of work alongside advances in  technology must radically change in order to enable us to sustain success at work long term, which means the very fundamentals of how we view success must shift. 

Now I’m ambitious myself and love achieving goals. I’m not talking about bubble-bath wellbeing where we relinquish our desire to achieve and sit around singing kumbaya around campfires – I’m talking about altering the systems and our approach to success which are leading to record amounts of depression, anxiety and burnout – where we crash out and are unable to feel the joy of those successes in the first place. 

So here’s some ideas on how to measure your own success and I’m sure you’ll be able to think of more:  

• Work fulfilment and joy alongside titles and money 
• A safe environment for true creativity rather than targets with no space to breathe 
• A feeling of belonging and tribe rather than competition and passive aggression 
• Physical and mental health to enable you to achieve success long term 
• Relationships – with people who see the real you and value your journey as much as your outcomes 

Whatever measures enable you to live a good life, those are the ones to include.  You can use the deathbed exercise here. I know, I know it sounds dark, but it can be really effective. Imagine yourself at the end of your life many years from now and look back at the life you lived – what would make you feel successful then? 

Now for many of us we wait until our hand is forced before looking at these questions closely. We descend into addiction like I did or we avoid or numb in other ways – until the cracks begin to show. Burnout, suicidal thoughts, depression or debilitating anxiety can all be bits of information to help us ask the tough questions and live a life more aligned with our values. And sometimes, we need a little help to get through these tough times.

Ideally we learn to pre-empt those crash points and learn from our past by putting tools in place to support us before we are desperate and can’t move forward without help. Noticing your early warning signs is an important skill that can enable us to do this. We’re all different of course but your warning signs might be physical (migraines, back pain, poor sleep, exhaustion) or they may be more mental (anxious thinking, inner emptiness, lack of compassion or joy in things that once worked fine). Displacing our stress onto those close to us is another warning sign. When we’re building up our stress at work for example, all the while behaving in a professional manner but as soon as our attention turns to our family or housemate/partner, the slightest annoyance makes us blow up or snap – your body is telling you something! You’re on edge and need to reflect and check yourself to get back on track. Road rage is another clue! 

People often ask, but when should I ask for help, how bad should it get?

When I got divorced some years ago, even though it was my decision and the right one, because I know my history and that change can sometimes be triggering, I checked in with a therapist to just offer me a little backup during a big transition.  Asking for backup as a matter of course is a practice that takes bravery and is a skill we develop over time – this way, when the big stuff happens we’re already well-versed at being open and asking for help. 

Asking for help doesn’t always look like using the sentence ‘please can you help me’ –  it looks like a lot of other things. It’s firstly beginning to understand your own needs and that it’s ok to get backup whether practically or emotionally. This is often the first really big hurdle.  It’s surrounding yourself with people who are honest and collaborative – this also is a really big deal as so many people wear masks all the time and pretend they are cool when really they are struggling on the inside. 

For me, after spiralling in alcohol addiction and finding myself in a recovery room, my first step was observing people being honest. I had no idea this was a thing  people could genuinely do without shame or fear of reprisal. These were of course desperate people who knew being honest was the only thing that would get them on a new path and so they spoke – messy, brutal and true words and first I just watched. Then slowly I would say small things, tears and snot, trying to find words for the mess that had built up inside me.  Overtime I started getting honest in small ways outside of those rooms. And now, after building the skill I can be honest on stage in front of hundreds of people. 

So practise honesty today. You may find you’re surprised that if you’re brave enough to take the first step, your friends or colleagues might just say, me too and feel the relief of connection. 

Of course sometimes we need additional support from a manager, coach or therapist. These are catch all terms for a whole range of types of coaching and therapy that is out there – it can be a real experiment to find what suits you at different times of your life so it helps to have friends and networks where you can sense check your experience. Asking for help can look like saying, I’m going through this thing right now and I just need a sounding board and some ideas of things to try.  It can be asking a partner to look after the kids so you have this space or a colleague to cover for you so you can take a break or unfortunately, it could look like collapse. Ultimately you are responsible for your mental and physical health – no therapist or coach can fix or change you (sorry to break the news!). 

This may be a challenging thought but truly, you will need to do the work to challenge your thinking and take action in a way that enables you to a have a life filled with genuine and full success – your new version of it. Professionals can be a sounding board and hold up a mirror to your own thoughts and limiting behaviour and of course offer you tools to try. . They can suggest medication or a different lifestyle but it’s still down to you to weigh up the pros and cons and decide to change your life, hopefully while there’s still plenty of time to enjoy those efforts. 

We think the small things barely make a difference until we look back and notice the compounding effect of investing in ourselves over the long term. So remember: 

• Practise honesty – this is a skill that could save your life 
• Learn to understand your own needs and how to communicate them 
• Collaborate with your manager or other professionals to invest in your success long term 

And remember, if you’re ambitious like me that’s great! I love working hard to achieve my goals, speak on stage, write books and run my business as well as have a healthy relationship and raise a couple of teenagers. I love a full life! But it’s my full life, the type connected to my values and the joy I want everyday not just at the end goal.  What is your successful life?

Want to get in touch with Petra see here. https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/directory/listing/petra-velzeboer/

Are you a business looking for support? Get in touch with PVL for a free consultation call here https://www.petravelzeboer.com/

By Petra Velzboer.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines Mental Health as a state of well-being in which the individual
realises his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is
able to make a contribution to his or her community. Therefore, when creating a mentally healthy culture, we
are thinking about everyone, not just those who may be visibly struggling. We are working towards the premise that
everyone has the right to feel fulfilled at work and be part of a community that supports them as a whole person, not
just a role or a task.

The future of work is a huge shift, and that shift is being brought to life by individuals like you who are passionate about making a difference.

So many of you are tasked with wellbeing plans
Actions, initiatives and strategies
From puppy cuddles, to yoga, to webinars, you may be overflowing with resources and places for people to feel well

But what we know now is engagement is dropping
People are leaving
Burnout, collapse, and anxieties are impacting your workforce

But why — when there’s just so much for them to do!?

Well maybe it’s less about doing things and more about being human.
Maybe, there’s not just the strategy you’re tasked with but key ways to bring that strategy to life.

Starting from you!

When’s the last time YOU asked someone a more powerful question than ‘how are you’?
When’s the last time YOU, the wellbeing lead, reached out for support or were open about the struggle?
When’s the last time YOU were brave enough to feel great, invest in yourself AND talk about it?

All this and more is how you bring your strategy to life and start the ripple effect of change in your workplace.

For practical, current advice on how to not only build your wellbeing strategy but crucially, BRING IT TO LIFE… download my free manifesto for a new world of work and let me know what you think!

https://lnkd.in/dq_ytBem

If you would like to connect with Petra click here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/directory/listing/petra-velzeboer/

Petra recently did an interview with Michelle Tennant which I found very insightful, if you are passionate about mental wellbeing at work then have a look at this https://medium.com/authority-magazine/mental-health-champions-why-how-petra-velzeboer-of-pvl-is-helping-to-champion-mental-wellness-d5ad71f36164

Hustle culture is continuous topic of conversation online – propelled by the pandemic and linked to burnout, exhaustion, and lack of job satisfaction!

The truth is, hustle culture is still pretty prevalent, and for some of us, unlearning some of the behaviours associated with hustle culture can be a tough pill to swallow.

Let’s unpack what hustle culture really is…

So many of us have been raised to believe that our value and worth are solely based on the work we do, how much of it, and how well. In some ways, it can be a beautiful thing: building a career you love and being proud of your achievements. But, when your only value is ascertained by the work you do (and how much of it you dedicate your life to) – that’s when it can start to become toxic.

What is hustle culture, and what’s its history?

“Literally referring to the Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, hustle culture means pushing someone to move faster aggressively. In simple terms, hustle culture means a culture that makes people move more quickly or aggressively, in this case, a matter of work culture.

Defined as a culture that encourages employees or workers or labourers to work more than normal hours. They even think about work when they have free time, such as at weekends. This culture requires them to complete a job on target and precisely to a faster rhythm than usual.

People who have been trapped in this culture, almost never rest and when they do have time to rest usually all they think about is work. This culture was born around 1970 until the internet era made this culture even crazier.

 For information on work life balance  https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/work-life-balance

What behaviours are associated with hustle culture?

Constantly thinking about work/being obsessed with work: If you find that you’re continually taking your job home with you, this could be a sign that you’re entering the realm of hustle culture. Of course, there will be some days when we all naturally take our jobs home after we clock out – it’s human nature to care. But, when it takes up the majority of your headspace, that’s when it can become a problem.

Struggling to relax: Having downtime is incredibly important – for your work life and your personal life. When you spend time alone, how do you feel? If you can’t switch off and your mind is running at a thousand miles an hour (and the thoughts plaguing you are about work) then this can indicate that you’re becoming affected by hustle culture.

For more information on work-life balance click here

Feeling like you need to constantly be improving/doing something: Whether it’s starting a new hobby, creating a “side hustle” or over-analysing where you currently are in life, this can be incredibly damaging mentally as well as physically.

How can you start to unlearn these behaviours if they’re negatively affecting you?

Unlearning behaviours won’t happen overnight – nor should they be something you strive for. The most important thing to look at before you start practising unlearning, is to find out which behaviours are negatively affecting you and start from there.

Everything should be done in moderation, and although hustle culture forces us to push ourselves to the extreme – there can be some useful lessons that you can take and adapt from hustle culture. It’s not all doom and gloom, so trying to unlearn every single thing isn’t productive.

Check out our other blogs here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/home/our-blog/