Movember, for the men.

Posted on 21/11/202321/11/2023 by David Taylor

This month I have been actively sitting on panels, discussing with men’s groups and networking with Moustache men. November or Movember is a month that we look into men’s mental health in general and remind men to get there testicular cancer check ups.

We all know that men are not always forth coming talking about their insecurities or vulnerabilities. As a man myself I can see why this is so hard at times. I feel like men are not as clear or comfortable with a wider range of emotions that women seem to be at ease with. Why is this? Well for my generation it was frowned upon by our parents, fathers and peers to show any other emotion than anger. I remember as a child if I was sad, depressed, anxious, scared , afraid or insecure this would tend to come out in an explosion of temper and anger. Therefore my cry for help was only ever going to push people away and send them packing. Really inside I wanted a hug, but who is going to hug a man that is shouting and screaming and punching walls? Having spoken to lots of men this still seems to be the case today.

So how do we get passed this? Well 3 of the tips that I have gathered this month include the below.

Start talking. We all know a problem shared helps us to get things off our chest, helps us to listen to our own narrative and internally investigate it and give us an outside opinion, so why are we not doing it? What I hear is we are unsure of who to share this information with, for example a client of mine had mentioned that his partner of 4 years wanted him to open up and express himself more, having seen him struggle with his mental health. So, one weekend they sat down and he began to try his best to communicate how he was feeling. Now as so many of his feeling had become repressed over the years he described himself as off loading to much at one time and becoming distressed. This in turn only scared his partner and the end result was another problem for him to then have to navigate. So advice would be to pick your time and pick your person with intent and thought. Sometimes a professional is always the right option as they are impartial and non-judgemental but not everyone can afford a counsellor or coach. If that is the case then give some thought as to who your person is and think about how much you want to disclose, sometimes baby steps is better, the important thing is that we are talking.
Keep a journal. Now for me a Journal was never very effective but many men I have spoken to recommend this. On that note please understand that nothing is one size fits all, different things work for different people, so go out there and experiment with things you have not tried before, and remember take it or leave it, if it doesn’t work for you then that is okay too. What many men tell me is writing their thoughts down on the day to day helps them to track them, understand when their happiness and sadness show up. Helps them see what environments make them feel good and what circumstances cause them stress or negative feelings. Its like unjumbling their brains onto the paper so they can see more clearly.
Find your people. Having spoken to many men some that I see thriving are those that have found and researched networks such as one that keep coming up called The proper blokes club. The proper blokes club is an organisation in London that was set up to get men talking. Every week throughout the different towns in London men meet for walk and talks, like minded men that all share the same goal- connection, acceptance and belonging. These are men that are struggling with their mental health or men that have come out the other side and now want to offer their support. All coming together to share their experiences on a supervised walk around the city.

I have also had many conversations and been entertained in amusing ways about how us men need to get there balls checked! Again something that men fall very short of is going to see the doctor, I talked with so many men that didn’t even know who their GP was! So if you know a guy out their like that maybe we can all help giving them a nudge in the right direction and we can all help save some lives. If you are a guy like that please see some common symptoms below.

If you are looking for a coach or some advice please feel free to reach out to one of our coaches here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/

Also for more on the proper blokes clubs have a look here The Proper Blokes Club

Cultivating a Positive Mindset: Guided by Joe Dispenza

Posted on 18/09/202318/09/2023 by David Taylor

Introduction.

In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, maintaining a positive mindset is essential for our overall well-being and success. One individual who has guided countless people towards this transformative shift is Joe Dispenza. Through his teachings and insights, he has shown us the power of rewiring our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. In this blog, we will explore the principles and practices that can help us cultivate a positive mindset, drawing inspiration from Joe Dispenza’s transformative work.

1. The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs.

Joe Dispenza emphasizes that our thoughts and beliefs shape our reality. The first step towards cultivating a positive mindset is becoming aware of our thoughts and actively choosing positive ones. By consciously focusing on positive thoughts, we can rewire our neural pathways and create new empowering beliefs. Dispenza encourages us to let go of limiting beliefs that hold us back and replace them with thoughts that align with our aspirations and potential.

2. Embracing Gratitude and Appreciation.

Practicing gratitude and appreciation is a powerful tool in shifting our mindset towards positivity. Joe Dispenza suggests that when we express gratitude for the blessings in our lives, we activate a state of joy and abundance. By focusing on what we appreciate, we invite more positive experiences into our lives. Regularly taking a few moments to acknowledge the simple joys and blessings can bring about a profound change in our perception, making us more resilient and optimistic.

3. Visualization and Manifestation.

Visualization is a technique that Joe Dispenza advocates for creating a positive mindset. By vividly imagining our desired outcomes, we activate the creative power of our minds. By visualizing our goals with clarity and conviction, we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions to manifest those goals. Dispenza teaches that when we consistently visualize our positive outcomes, we reprogram our subconscious mind, leading to real-life transformations.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation.

To cultivate a positive mindset, it is crucial to be present in the moment and cultivate mindfulness. Joe Dispenza encourages the practice of meditation to quiet the mind, reduce stress, and enhance self-awareness. Through meditation, we learn to observe our thoughts without judgment, allowing us to detach from negative patterns. By regularly practicing mindfulness, we become more attuned to our thoughts and emotions, enabling us to respond to life’s challenges with clarity and positivity.

5. Embracing Growth and Resilience.

Joe Dispenza emphasizes that cultivating a positive mindset involves embracing personal growth and building resilience. Instead of perceiving setbacks as failures, we can view them as opportunities for learning and growth. By shifting our perspective, we develop the resilience to bounce back from challenges and setbacks with renewed determination. Dispenza’s teachings encourage us to believe in our ability to overcome obstacles and continuously evolve into the best version of ourselves.

Conclusion.

Cultivating a positive mindset is a transformative journey that requires dedication and practice. Joe Dispenza’s guidance serves as a valuable compass in navigating this path, empowering us to embrace positivity and unlock our true potential.

Looking for a coach to help guide you click here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/

If you would like more on Joe Dispenza see here https://drjoedispenza.com/

The Power of an ADHD Sensory Diet for Extra Focus

Posted on 11/08/202311/08/2023 by David Taylor

A wonderfully insightful post by one of our expert coaches Anna Daphna.

Jul 31
6 min read

The Power of an ADHD Sensory Diet for Extra Focus

Brain

What is a Sensory Diet?

Think of a sensory diet as a menu for your senses. Just like how a balanced diet provides you with the right nutrients to nourish your body, a sensory diet offers a variety of sensory experiences to nourish, regulate your senses and prolong your focus.

Imagine your senses as different taste buds, each craving a different flavour. Some days, your sense of touch might crave gentle textures like a soft blanket or a warm bath, just like how your taste buds might crave something smooth and creamy like ice cream. Other days, your sense of movement might desire exhilarating experiences like swinging or jumping on a trampoline, similar to how your taste buds might yearn for something exciting and adventurous like a spicy dish.

Just like a well-planned menu, a sensory diet includes a range of activities that cater to the needs of your senses throughout the day. It can include activities such as deep pressure techniques, fidget tools, calming music, or engaging in physical exercise. By following this “sensory menu,” you can provide yourself with the right mix of sensory input to feel balanced, focused, and calm.

Just as you choose different dishes from a menu to satisfy your cravings, a sensory diet allows you to choose activities that provide the sensory input your body needs to function at its best. Remember, everyone’s sensory diet is unique, so it’s important to explore different options and find what works best for you.

So, think of a sensory diet as a flavourful and personalized menu for your senses, ensuring that they are satisfied and nourished to help you navigate the world around you with greater ease and comfort.

Why is it important to get your Sensory Diet just right?

As an ADHD, executive function and high performance coach and psychologist, I have witnessed the transformative impact of sensory diets on many children, adolescents, and adults with ADHD.

Today, I’ll share with you some of the top 30 examples of sensory diet activities tailored to each age group. But before we delve into the examples, let’s explore the importance of understanding sensory diets and why it they are essential if you or your child have traits of ADHD.

Understanding Sensory Diets and ADHD

ADHD Brain

ADHD is commonly associated with impulsiveness, emotional dysregulation, hyperactivity, and a lack of focus. By implementing a sensory diet, individuals with ADHD can benefit from sensory strategies that assist with the regulation of their sensory needs and which are designed to address sensory processing difficulties offering structured and intentional sensory experiences that help regulate the nervous system.

Here are some reasons why sensory diets are important for people with ADHD:

1.Focus and Attention

Sensory diets can help individuals with ADHD improve their focus and attention by providing sensory input at different times throughout the day. By participating in sensory experiences, individuals can redirect their attention and enhance their ability to concentrate on tasks. can help them stay more engaged and alert, reducing distractions and improving their ability to concentrate on tasks.

2. Enhanced Self-Awareness and Sensory Integration

A sensory diet encourages individuals to become more attuned to their sensory preferences and sensitivities. This heightened self-awareness empowers them to proactively use sensory strategies to improve emotional and sensory self-regulation. Sensory diets can teach individuals with ADHD how to recognize and self-regulate their sensory needs as well as improve their sensory integration skills. By engaging in activities that stimulate different senses, such as proprioception (body awareness), vestibular (balance), and tactile (touch), individuals can enhance their sensory processing abilities. This can lead to better coordination, motor skills, and body awareness.

3. Sensory Self-Regulation

Many individuals with ADHD struggle with emotional regulation and experience heightened emotional responses. Sensory diets provide the right balance of sensory input to help individuals with ADHD regulate their sensory experiences. By engaging in sensory-rich activities, they can reduce feelings of restlessness, anxiety, and overwhelm. By incorporating activities that provide the right amount of sensory input, such as as deep pressure techniques, sensory breaks, or engaging in soothing sensory experiences, they can learn to better manage their energy levels, reduce restlessness, and improve their self-control. These activities can help alleviate anxiety and promote a sense of well-being. Sensory diets can, therefore, serve as a collection of coping mechanisms that individuals can turn to in various situations for managing stress, frustration, and sensory overload.

4. Improved Social Interaction

When sensory processing is improved, individuals with ADHD can better manage social situations, leading to improved communication and relationships with peers, family, and friends. It’s important to note that sensory diets should be individualized and tailored to each person’s specific sensory needs and preferences. Consulting with specialists experienced in sensory integration therapy such as occupational therapists can help create an effective sensory diet plan.

Common Mistakes Regarding Sensory Diets

Common Mistakes

While sensory diets offer valuable benefits for individuals with ADHD, there are common mistakes that can be avoided:

1. One-Size-Fits-All Approach

Every individual’s sensory needs are unique, so it’s essential to create personalized sensory diets that cater to their specific preferences and sensitivities.

2. Overlooking Individual Preferences

Ignoring an individual’s likes and dislikes when planning a sensory diet can lead to disinterest and reduced engagement. Including their preferences empowers them to take ownership of their sensory experiences.

3. Inconsistency

Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of a sensory diet. Skipping sensory activities or failing to maintain a routine may hinder progress and disrupt sensory regulation.

4. Relying Solely on Fidget Toys

While fidget toys can be helpful, relying solely on them neglects the diverse sensory needs that individuals with ADHD may have. A balanced sensory diet should encompass a wide range of activities targeting different sensory systems.

5. Ignoring the Impact of the Environment

Neglecting the sensory environment is a common oversight. The sensory diet should extend beyond individual activities and include modifications to the physical surroundings to minimize distractions and enhance sensory regulation.

Top 30 Examples of Sensory Diet Activities

Now that we understand the importance of sensory diets and have addressed common mistakes, let’s explore some of the top 30 examples of sensory diet activities tailored to each age group.

Children (Ages 6-12):

Sensory Room

1. Tactile Play

Play with textured materials like playdough and kinetic sand to develop tactile sensitivity.

2. Swings and Monkey Bars

Outdoor play on swings and monkey bars provides essential vestibular input, promoting balance and coordination.

3. Mini Trampoline

Jumping on a mini trampoline helps release excess energy and improves focus.

4. Calming Corner

Create a calming corner at home with cozy pillows and soft lighting to retreat and unwind.

5. Weighted Blanket

Use a weighted blanket for deep pressure input, aiding relaxation and anxiety reduction.

6. Fidget Toys

Provide various fidget tools, such as stress balls or squishy toys, to keep little hands busy during seated tasks.

Adolescents (Ages 13-18):

Safe and Sound Protocol for Focus

7. Exercise Routine

Engage in regular physical activities like yoga, jogging, or dancing to promote self-regulation.

8. Noise-Canceling Headphones

Use headphones to minimize auditory distractions in busy environments.

9. Quiet Study Area

Create a designated study area with minimal distractions to enhance focus during homework or study sessions.

10. Scented Candles or Essential Oils

Use aromatherapy to create a calming atmosphere and reduce stress.

11. Balance Boards

Utilize balance boards or wobble cushions for subtle proprioceptive input during seated tasks.

12. Chewable Jewelry

Provide chewable necklaces or bracelets to satisfy the need for oral stimulation.

Adults (Ages 18+):

Meditation

13. Mindfulness Meditation

Incorporate mindfulness practices to enhance self-awareness and reduce stress.

14. Sensory Garden

Spend time in nature, surrounded by different textures and scents to soothe the mind.

15. Sensory Breaks

Take short sensory breaks during work hours, engaging in activities like stretching, deep breathing, or doodling.

16. Desk Fidgets

Keep desk fidgets like stress balls or fidget cubes to promote focus during desk-based tasks.

17. Calming Music

Listen to soothing music to enhance relaxation and concentration.

18. Adult Colouring Books

Engage in colouring activities to unwind and promote mindfulness.

For All Ages:

Sensory Diet for More Focus

19. Body Socks

Slip into a body sock for a calming, deep pressure experience.

20. Wall Push-Ups

Perform wall push-ups to provide proprioceptive input to the upper body.

21. Scented Lotions

Use scented lotions with calming fragrances like lavender or chamomile.

22. Tangle Toys

Tangle toys offer a quiet and engaging way to keep hands busy.

23. Texture Exploration

Explore different textures with a sensory bin filled with rice, beans, or water beads.

24. Nature Walks

Take a leisurely walk in nature to connect with the environment and promote grounding.

25. Handwriting on Different Surfaces

Practice handwriting on various textures like sandpaper or fabric.

26. Resistance Bands

Use resistance bands for physical activity to promote body awareness.

27. Compression Clothing

Wear compression garments like compression vests or shirts to provide steady deep pressure.

28. Scented Playdough

Make scented playdough using essential oils to engage multiple senses during play.

29. Guided Imagery

Engage in guided imagery exercises to promote relaxation and mental clarity.

30. Mindful Eating

Practice mindful eating by paying close attention to the sensory experience of eating, such as taste, texture, and smell.

Following a sensory diet is a powerful and essential approach to support neurodivergent individuals. By providing intentional and personalized sensory experiences, sensory diets help regulate the nervous system, manage better emotions and maximise focus.

Useful Websites:

Sensory Intelligence

Book a Complimentary Consultation with Anna

Why can’t we switch off from our tech?

Posted on 11/08/202311/08/2023 by David Taylor

Why can’t we switch off from our tech?

Working from home can be highly convenient. Avoiding expensive commutes and the time it takes to get somewhere, we have everything we need right where we are so why change things. Well, convenience is not always the same as what’s good for us and we’re seeing more and more remote workers today feeling the strain of an always-on culture which is affecting their mental and physical health.

Don’t get me wrong. Technology can work for us in profound ways if we are intentional about our lifestyles and how to make work work for us – this includes the rise in digital nomads working from anywhere, replacing the commute with healthy practices to set up the day and creating boundaries around flexible working hours that enable us to invest in our family and other interests.

The reality in the majority of cases however, even with this wonderful possibility in front of us, is that we’re simply addicted to the technology rush, our post-pandemic survival brain in a permanent state of urgency, meaning we are glued to our screens at work and at play which negatively impacts our wellbeing. A combination of our survival state and the addictive nature of social tools (see Netflix’s documentary The Social Dilemma for insight) means we are more lonely than ever even though we are more connected and chasing short term dopamine hits rather than real connection.

I’m also noticing how people are out of practice in the art of connection through conversation. We’ve become more transactional in our communication, naming efficiency in a hybrid world, when really many of us are simply out of practice and nervous about getting it wrong – so we stick to safe topics (the state of the world, weekend plans and work lists) rather than really see the person in front of us and understand that we all have a story – and that teams, families and relationships all work better when some effort and space is created for real connection.

So what can we do about the negative impacts of technology and thereby boost our focus and wellbeing through true connection and that feeling of being seen?

Firstly, it’s time to get radically honest with yourself about your habits.

Do you use technology or does it use you? Do you feel phantom phone sensations when away from your phone? Do you find yourself scrolling through things that make you less efficient instead of more. Do you have notifications for everything set to on – emails, news, group messages – all of which trigger your nervous system to check if you are safe.

Secondly, check your working practices.

Are your working hours creeping up just because your laptop is next to your bed or you can work from your phone? Are the things you work on really urgent and essential to your business or is it simply habit that’s making you spend your golden morning hour on tasks rather than setting yourself up for the day?

Finally, are you proactively connecting with people on a deeper level.

We are out of the habit of connection and our wellbeing is taking a hit. This doesn’t mean just spending time around people – we can definitely feel alone in a crowd. Instead it means being brave enough to take the first step in asking a deeper question, picking up the phone to call someone or telling someone what you appreciate about them.

People think being brave only means talking about your story or what’s going wrong in your life, of course that vulnerability is important and we need people in our life who will have our back and hear us out without trying to fix things – but it also takes bravery to talk about what’s going well, to tell someone we’re proud of them, to be grateful for the world around us and to truly listen to what is going on for someone else. Practising putting ourselves out there in this way, as well as being real about how we’re feeling, are the real building blocks of connection to counter what is often slipping away through the negatives of addictive technology.

As stated earlier, technology isn’t the enemy, it’s how many of us have gotten lazy in putting ourselves out there so think about how you can utilise technology to boost wellbeing and performance. Calling someone on the phone (old-school), putting your camera on in a video call and disrupting your usual flow of conversation, texting someone what they mean to you and creating boundaries that increase efficiency and focus and hey, if you’re working at home why not creatively use your privilege as an opportunity to really live your best life rather than isolate and make life smaller.

Want to hear more from Petra contact with her here. https://petravelzeboer.com/services

Looking for a coach? click https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/

Why we’re all burnt out – and what to do about it!

Posted on 11/07/202311/07/2023 by David Taylor

By Petra Velzeboer

Burnout has become a bit of a buzzword but what does it actually mean and how do you know if you are experiencing exhaustion, depression or if you’re on the fast-track to burnout. Now before you think, well I know I’m tired but I haven’t got time to do any of these fluffy-self-care things – hear me out. If you hit full on burnout evidence suggests it could take 2-5 years to fully recover – have you got time for that?

The term Burnout was first coined in 1975 by Dr Herbert Freudenberger who found the phenomenon present in health and social care workers and then developed his findings to include twelve stages of burnout which are particularly relevant today. While the World Health Organisation has termed burnout a workplace phenomenon, there are many factors that can be argued to influence burnout levels including generational and vicarious traumas, chronic stress built over time and lifestyle factors including our sedentary and technology fuelled lifestyles that prevent us from literally shaking out the stress from our bodies.

It’s worth noting if you are already toying with the twelve stages of burnout and crucially asking yourself at what stage you tend to pull back by doing the things you know boost your wellbeing. The stages include:

Working Harder
The compulsion to prove oneself
Neglecting your own needs
Displacement of conflict – or taking out your stress on people close to you
Revision of values
Denial of problems
Withdrawal or isolation
Odd behaviour changes
Depersonalisation
Inner Emptiness
Depression
Burnout syndrome (complete physical, emotional and mental exhaustion)

In my work with organizations globally, I see a few factors playing a part in the rise of burnout levels. The pandemic was a collective trauma that many of us are only now feeling the impact of, hybrid work without clear parameters has left many of in a state of hyper-vigilance unable to fully switch off and resource ourselves and in uncertain economic climates many of us are still firmly in survival mode, a space that is useful in the short term but negatively impacts our physical and mental health in the long term – not to mention the rise in addictive consumer driven technologies meaning that even our down time is in the extremes of dopamine highs or depletion.

So what do we do about it? Can we change the systems that have provoked the rise in symptoms or are there things we can put in place to take radical responsibility for our wellbeing?

Firstly, let’s see what’s in our control. Here are three things that can help you assess your own burnout levels and begin to help you get back to a place of focus, fulfilment and happiness.

Radically assess your lifestyle

Yes technology is set up to be addictive and your workplace may be toxic but often, we’re so firmly in survival mode that we don’t take time to reflect on what’s possible and instead wait until our body or mind crash completely before making lifestyle changes. Have health habits slipped, are you spending more and more time in inefficient working practices, complaining about all that is wrong with the world rather than creating space to invest in yourself? If so the first step is to understand the problem and know your part in it.

Get back to building healthy habits

Yes it’s not that sexy as it’s foundational elements that are as old as time however they may need to evolve alongside the modern work lifestyle. Creating 5-minute wins, buffers between work and play and creating intention around how you live your life can help you focus on what’s in your control. According to Dr Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle – movement is the single best way to prevent burnout as you are literally shaking out the stress from your body. Creating opportunities in your working day for movement is crucial for prevention.

Practice Bravery

This probably sounds intense given you’re probably already on the emotional exhaustion spectrum if you’re reading this – but bravery means questioning the systems around you, discussing burnout with friends or colleagues and creating positive accountability within your day to help you sustain healthy habits and question assumptions about how you work (I’m not sure why but isn’t this how we’ve always done it?) so that you can understand your expectations. Sometimes bravery is taking the plunge and using your early burnout symptoms as information, an opportunity to help you take the leap and change something for the better.

Afterall, what if work was good for your mental health, not something you have to recover from after?

Want to here more from Petra you can reach her here https://www.petravelzeboer.com/

Want to get in touch with one of our coaches check out our page here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/home/categories/

A reframe on Anxiety for Mental Health

Posted on 27/06/202327/06/2023 by David Taylor

So many of us are experiencing higher levels of anxiety and some of us are just accepting that that’s the way it is now. We sit around our kitchen tables talking about how bad everything is in the world, our notifications ping for every crisis or opportunity to compare and the cost of living and working longer hours are all provoking our nervous systems to think – “just survive, my god just keep moving forward.”

Now of course, there is a difference between feeling anxiety (the body’s natural response to being in a new situation or experiencing perceived threat) and an anxiety condition such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder where you may need therapy, medication or additional professional support – for many of us these days however anxiety is showing up more as an indication that our lifestyle isn’t supportive of good mental health and our stress factors both in reality and through the media are simply affecting us in more profound ways.

As a psychotherapist, mental health consultant and someone who has experienced extreme anxiety myself, I’d like to offer a reframe on anxiety so that you, like me, can take responsibility for your own mental health and move yourself into a space that is relaxed and focused as you tackle the change and challenge around you. Think of anxiety as a continuum, a long line where on one side you have small physical symptoms only you are aware of and on the extreme end of a diagnosis this is now harder to manage, affects your daily life and is perhaps noticeable by others.

In a remote world of work, many people can hide these symptoms much longer which often means they wait longer before accessing resources and support as the human condition is to wait until something is officially ‘a problem’ before doing the hard thing of asking for help. Anxiety at work can show up in so many ways, here are a few and of course there are many more: fidgeting under the screen where no one can see your hands, heart palpitations which you cover up by talking faster, shutting down any personal thoughts which could be seen as thoughtful listening, having trouble sleeping, feeling constantly worried about money or circumstances in the world, feeling dizzy or irritable which could be taken out on the people you love the most.

While I would encourage anyone who is struggling to reach out to their workplace resources and helplines to access support, here are a few thoughts to consider when managing your own anxiety:

Everything starts with radical honesty with yourself.

You know you better than anyone – even professionals. Of course, there are some principles for health that apply to all but you know your life story, whether you’ve had trauma in your past that has affected your nervous system, if you’re in a volatile relationship or experiencing a toxic workplace or other stressful factors in your life. For many of us we are simply out of the habit of engaging in the world so feel anxiety symptoms when we do, this doesn’t mean you’re on a fast-track to clinical anxiety what it means is, it may be worthwhile to practice being brave over time and watch your anxiety symptoms reduce as your confidence grows.

Listen to your body (but sometimes your body tricks you).

Now I’m all for listening to your body and giving yourself what you need – this could mean some chill time, extra sleep or staying in when others are going out. But sometimes, your anxiety is simply there to trick you and can shrink your world and make everything feel hard over time. You are essentially safe, but your nervous system is reacting to the news or the fear that comes through in daily conversations with people – it’s reacting to perceived threat rather than real danger.

Sometimes our body tells us to take the easy route because in the short term, well it’s just easy. Watching Netflix and eating ice cream is easier in the short term than getting up for that walk, calling a friend or taking that leap in business or having a hard conversation with a colleague or partner. So sometimes we actually need to override how we feel and have a little chat with ourselves about healthy habits and the building blocks that enable us to manage anxiety in a healthy way.

Moving our body, talking to friends who can help challenge our thinking and standing up to our thoughts is sometimes the best way to listen to what our body really needs.

Check your influences.

Now I grew up in a religious cult so I know the extremes of groupthink and persuasion and I’m seeing so many of those same red-flags in the world today. Fake news or fear-based media, constant dopamine hits from social media affecting our nervous system and advertising that is embedded into the very culture of our thinking. If you have this thing, when you reach this level of success, if you’re more like so-and-so influencer then you’ll be enough or feel happy.

For many of us that level of comparing and habits around sitting at screens is drip feeding unhealthy habits into our lifestyle and hey, if everyone around us is also living in that way it’s totally normalized and yet we feel confused about our anxiety – as if it is only a chemical imbalance or brought on as a deficiency within ourselves.

So my challenge to you is to check your influences and manage them so that they don’t manage you! This means friendships, screen time, who you follow or listen to etc. and rather than just saying no to more things, why not say yes to things you know will help such as movement, nature, real and honest connection and ensure the people around you can hold you accountable rather than say…go on have one more drink, you deserve to relax, you can invest in yourself tomorrow.

Even the world of wellbeing can be an influence that make us feel less than. We can feel the pressure to wake up at 5 a.m., journal, have that cold shower, workout and meditate all before we start work and if we’re not keeping up with all of these things that the ‘successful people’ are telling us to do, then we can still feel like we’re not enough. So even check your influences around lifestyle gurus and coaches and learn to listen to yourself and what you truly need at this phase of your life.

Finally, focus on what’s in your control.

There is a whole lot that is not in our control. The cost-of-living crisis, political unrest, economic challenge and the evolving world of work, it can feel like a lot of challenge is being thrown at us and we simply need to accept that anxiety is now part of our life.

A great mindset tool that I’ve used to build my life up from rock-bottom-addiction and trauma into a place of expertise and confidence is focussing on what’s in my control, what’s right in front of me that’s possible right now. This could be as simple as managing my reactions, listening to a 3-minute guided meditation, taking a short walk or writing all of my worries down.

A great example of this concept in action comes from Victor Frankl’s book ‘Man’s search for meaning’ (1962) written after his time in concentration camps in Nazi Germany. While others around him were dying and so much was not in his control, he realised that simple steps focussing on finding meaning and connection enabled him to survive one of the worst times in history.

So, when it comes to anxiety and the focus for mental health week, here’s a challenge: Rather than do everything in your power to stop anxiety symptoms from occurring, my challenge to you is to listen to your anxiety. What is it telling you about your lifestyle and what you need in order to invest in your mental health and take radical action to living a life that you love and enjoy?

Yes, that could include speaking to a doctor, therapist or coach to get some backup in listening to your body and doing what it needs. We all need space to hear our own thoughts out loud and learn about ways to manage how we’re feeling but when it comes to prevention and managing early signs of anxiety, it really does bring us back to the basics.

The Five Ways to Wellbeing as researched by the New Economics Foundation and gives us insight into how to get started with radical honesty. The foundation for a healthy life includes Connect, Be Active, Take Notice and Give. Ask yourself if you could dial up any of these in your life so that you can focus on the elements that are in your control today.

Petra Velzeboer …

Looking for a coach click here https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/home/categories/

Workplace Wellbeing Professional

Posted on 06/06/202306/06/2023 by David Taylor

How to recognise when it’s time to seek help, and how/why prioritising mental health leads to success

What does success mean to you and are you really on the path to getting there?

We all have conditioned ideas of what success includes – influenced by society, culture, parents and education. A great job title, financial stability and finding a partner as you edge into your thirties and begin planning a family and perhaps a mortgage are often seen as western ideals of success. Without even realising it your ambitious teenage values can be eroded over time to make you think these exact markers of success are what you want.

I spoke to a senior partner in a law firm recently and asked, what’s it like to make it to partner? Lawyers can work tirelessly day and night over many years to finally achieve this accolade and I was curious about the relief or celebration in reaching this level of success. He said, well to be honest I haven’t really celebrated. It was such a lengthy process that it was hard to really notice when I’d ‘achieved it’. Also, I just work more now and have to look after other people’s work’.

How often do we think success or achievement will feel a certain way and then realise it’s just a stepping stone to the next thing, exhausted and burnt out in our quest to arrive. We may scale a startup successfully and then look around to realise we’re unhealthy and all alone, we may be the most senior in our business at the expense of our relationship with a spouse or children, we may focus on the wellbeing agenda in our business (yes even a noble cause) only to find compassion fatigue or health issues and burnout in the process.

I want to firstly challenge what success means to us and how we measure it – it’s much better to build a fence at the top of the mountain than a hospital at the bottom after all. In a post-pandemic, hybrid world, the future of work alongside advances in technology must radically change in order to enable us to sustain success at work long term, which means the very fundamentals of how we view success must shift.

Now I’m ambitious myself and love achieving goals. I’m not talking about bubble-bath wellbeing where we relinquish our desire to achieve and sit around singing kumbaya around campfires – I’m talking about altering the systems and our approach to success which are leading to record amounts of depression, anxiety and burnout – where we crash out and are unable to feel the joy of those successes in the first place.

So here’s some ideas on how to measure your own success and I’m sure you’ll be able to think of more:

Work fulfilment and joy alongside titles and money
A safe environment for true creativity rather than targets with no space to breathe
A feeling of belonging and tribe rather than competition and passive aggression
Physical and mental health to enable you to achieve success long term
Relationships – with people who see the real you and value your journey as much as your outcomes

Whatever measures enable you to live a good life, those are the ones to include. You can use the deathbed exercise here. I know, I know it sounds dark, but it can be really effective. Imagine yourself at the end of your life many years from now and look back at the life you lived – what would make you feel successful then?

Now for many of us we wait until our hand is forced before looking at these questions closely. We descend into addiction like I did or we avoid or numb in other ways – until the cracks begin to show. Burnout, suicidal thoughts, depression or debilitating anxiety can all be bits of information to help us ask the tough questions and live a life more aligned with our values. And sometimes, we need a little help to get through these tough times.

Ideally we learn to pre-empt those crash points and learn from our past by putting tools in place to support us before we are desperate and can’t move forward without help. Noticing your early warning signs is an important skill that can enable us to do this. We’re all different of course but your warning signs might be physical (migraines, back pain, poor sleep, exhaustion) or they may be more mental (anxious thinking, inner emptiness, lack of compassion or joy in things that once worked fine). Displacing our stress onto those close to us is another warning sign. When we’re building up our stress at work for example, all the while behaving in a professional manner but as soon as our attention turns to our family or housemate/partner, the slightest annoyance makes us blow up or snap – your body is telling you something! You’re on edge and need to reflect and check yourself to get back on track. Road rage is another clue!

People often ask, but when should I ask for help, how bad should it get?

When I got divorced some years ago, even though it was my decision and the right one, because I know my history and that change can sometimes be triggering, I checked in with a therapist to just offer me a little backup during a big transition. Asking for backup as a matter of course is a practice that takes bravery and is a skill we develop over time – this way, when the big stuff happens we’re already well-versed at being open and asking for help.

Asking for help doesn’t always look like using the sentence ‘please can you help me’ – it looks like a lot of other things. It’s firstly beginning to understand your own needs and that it’s ok to get backup whether practically or emotionally. This is often the first really big hurdle. It’s surrounding yourself with people who are honest and collaborative – this also is a really big deal as so many people wear masks all the time and pretend they are cool when really they are struggling on the inside.

For me, after spiralling in alcohol addiction and finding myself in a recovery room, my first step was observing people being honest. I had no idea this was a thing people could genuinely do without shame or fear of reprisal. These were of course desperate people who knew being honest was the only thing that would get them on a new path and so they spoke – messy, brutal and true words and first I just watched. Then slowly I would say small things, tears and snot, trying to find words for the mess that had built up inside me. Overtime I started getting honest in small ways outside of those rooms. And now, after building the skill I can be honest on stage in front of hundreds of people.

So practise honesty today. You may find you’re surprised that if you’re brave enough to take the first step, your friends or colleagues might just say, me too and feel the relief of connection.

Of course sometimes we need additional support from a manager, coach or therapist. These are catch all terms for a whole range of types of coaching and therapy that is out there – it can be a real experiment to find what suits you at different times of your life so it helps to have friends and networks where you can sense check your experience. Asking for help can look like saying, I’m going through this thing right now and I just need a sounding board and some ideas of things to try. It can be asking a partner to look after the kids so you have this space or a colleague to cover for you so you can take a break or unfortunately, it could look like collapse. Ultimately you are responsible for your mental and physical health – no therapist or coach can fix or change you (sorry to break the news!).

This may be a challenging thought but truly, you will need to do the work to challenge your thinking and take action in a way that enables you to a have a life filled with genuine and full success – your new version of it. Professionals can be a sounding board and hold up a mirror to your own thoughts and limiting behaviour and of course offer you tools to try. . They can suggest medication or a different lifestyle but it’s still down to you to weigh up the pros and cons and decide to change your life, hopefully while there’s still plenty of time to enjoy those efforts.

We think the small things barely make a difference until we look back and notice the compounding effect of investing in ourselves over the long term. So remember:

Practise honesty – this is a skill that could save your life
Learn to understand your own needs and how to communicate them
Collaborate with your manager or other professionals to invest in your success long term

And remember, if you’re ambitious like me that’s great! I love working hard to achieve my goals, speak on stage, write books and run my business as well as have a healthy relationship and raise a couple of teenagers. I love a full life! But it’s my full life, the type connected to my values and the joy I want everyday not just at the end goal. What is your successful life?

Want to get in touch with Petra see here. https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/directory/listing/petra-velzeboer/

Are you a business looking for support? Get in touch with PVL for a free consultation call here https://www.petravelzeboer.com/

Our coach Petra Velzeboer now a Author

Posted on 12/05/202312/05/2023 by David Taylor

I’m so excited and pleased to announce that one if our coaches Petra Velzeboer has just had a book published, and what a book it is! I am proud to say I was one of the first to read it from cover to cover and I can honestly say I could not put it down. A story of no matter what our start in life, how bad things get, or what situation we find ourselves in. There is always a way to make good! There are some wonderful insights into how we can all invest in our mental health, but we in my opinion a much needed enthesis on, one size doesn’t fit all, and how experimenting with new things can open doors and pathways that lead to learning. I will drop some more details below but the book is called Begin with you, go a grab a copy and please let us know what you think. Available on Amazon and all other big providers.

Also if you would like to know a little more about Petra’s story before committing to the book, you can get an insight here. https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/children-of-god-cult-escaping-lonely-outside-world-2319389

Too many of us work through burnout and sacrifice our work-life balance to get ahead in our careers. But the real path to success and happiness begins with you. Rather than just accepting the fatigue and burnout, renowned mental health expert Petra Velzeboer shows you how to prioritize your wellbeing and mental health at work. From recognizing the impact of internal and external influences to learning support mechanisms, Begin With You offers you key strategies that will lead to a rewarding life and career. Petra Velzeboer draws upon her personal experiences of trauma and hardship to offer insights on how you can overcome difficult periods and develop a positive outlook. Packed with case studies and psychological research, Begin With You is the essential guide to becoming a mental health champion and transforming your career and life for the better.

Publisher: Kogan Page Ltd
Number of pages: 216

MEDIA REVIEWS

“Navigate the tangled web of mental health and its relationship to modern work life.” * Vernon Bainton, Chief Medical Officer, Havas Lynx Group *
“Petra brings through a reality and pragmatism when it comes to finding your wellness in this busy, chaotic world we live and work in. Written from the heart and spoken with care.” * Kirstin Furber, People Director, Channel 4 *
“This book brings inspiration, practical thinking and true thought leadership that I would recommend to anyone who wants a new angle on how to view their wellbeing at work.” * Stella Smith, CEO & founder, pirkx *
“Petra offers empowering practices for claiming ourselves, our wellbeing, and our communities. I felt energized and hopeful reading Petra’s book. You will too.” * Dr Ardeshir Mehran, psychologist and author *
“This book guides the reader through an exploration of how our personal and professional lives are interconnected, allowing us to embrace the idea of focusing on ourselves in order to achieve success at work.” * Miriam Zylberglait Lisigurski, MD, FACP *
“Petra is in a class of her own! Her passion is focused on helping others and her approach comes from a place of lived experience – an experience that she shares so transparently and unabashedly. This is all reflected in this book and what makes it such a solid, authentic source.” * Rondette Amoy Smith, Head of Diversity & Inclusion, EMEA, Nomura *
“Begin With You is a must-read for virtually anyone: whether you are wanting to build a mental health strategy, are an entrepreneur or business owner, or are just interested in practical steps to improve your own mental health. Petra’s approach can benefit us all.” * Hannah Meredith, Health and Wellbeing Partner, MVF Global *
“We know a lot about investing in our success, but do we know and talk enough about investing in our mental health? Are we even listening? Petra Velzeboer leads the way and shines a light through the maze of tools and set constructs defined by employers and medical professionals. This book is lively, passionate, somehow even intimate at times where it feels like a cosy conversation with a friend.” * Eva-Christie Bessala, Director, Global Clients Pricing and Procurement, PwC *

If you would like to reach out to Petra you can find her here. https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/directory/listing/petra-velzeboer/

How Business Careers Are a Good Fit for Young Adults with a Disability

Posted on 24/04/202324/04/2023 by David Taylor

As a young adult with a disability, the world is your oyster. While there’s no denying living with a disability is challenging, it’s not going to hold you back from a promising career – especially if you choose to pursue something in business. Below, The London Life Coaching Company explains why business careers are a wonderful choice for young adults with disabilities. We also offer advice on how to get started with your new career below:

Why a career in business can be an excellent option for YAs with disabilities.

We sum up the biggest advantages of business careers below:

Many choices: Business careers are incredibly diverse, from HR to advertising and everything in between. You can do whatever interests you. Indeed offers 18 options here.
High pay: A career in business offers high pay and many benefits. Also, you can advance to higher positions and, so, better pay.
Remote work options: Most business careers offer opportunities for remote or hybrid work. You won’t have to commute to work always.
Diversity hiring: Finally, many business employers are actively embracing diverse hiring practices, meaning landing a job won’t be as challenging.

The best-paying business degrees

According to US news, the best-paying business jobs are financial manager ($131,710), mathematician ($108,100), actuary ($105,900), medical and health services manager ($101,340), and business operations manager ($97,970). Average salaries for careers in this field are well over $50,000, and the demand is expected to continue to climb.

Find a career mentor and get an internship.

Finding a career mentor is an excellent idea. This is someone with knowledge about your chosen industry and role who can answer your most pressing questions and help you make informed choices. You should also consider finding an internship while you’re pursuing your degree or just about done with it. It will give you some much-needed practical experience. Some internships also transition into full-time employment.

Landing an entry-level job

Entry level-jobs give you professional training and experience. Such a job could be your first job in your chosen industry and represent the starting point in your career. Your chosen degree, existing skillset, and future aspirations will determine the best entry-level job for you. Here are some tips to help you land a job:

Research opportunities: You can scout out opportunities through employment groups, online, through your school, and via special help groups.
Be forthcoming: Disclosing your disability status can help you get to the front of the line with employers with diversity-focused hiring practices.
Be confident: Believe in yourself and show the world what you can do. Your disability status doesn’t take away from your contributions in any way.

Effective networking is critical to success.

Networking is enormously important. It can help you build a solid support network that will help you be more successful in your career, locate new job opportunities, find mentors, learn more about your industry, and more. Even though we’re in a digital age, in-person networking events are still important. Make it a priority to meet new people in person.

Organize your job-related records with digital tools.

You will need to present job-related documents at many places, whether that’s school records or resumes. Getting organized will help you find everything you need quickly, make updates on-the-fly, and present it neatly for the best first impression. Digitizing records to PDF may be a good idea for speed and convenience. If you want to make edits (say to a resume), you can convert a PDF into Word and make edits that way. Simply upload your PDF, convert the file, start working in Word, and then save it as PDF when you’re finished. This tool may help.

Get help and inspiration from a qualified life coach.

If you feel stuck in any aspect of your life or need help with making life choices, you can get help from a qualified life coach at the London Life Coaching Company. We can help you develop the soft skills you need to have a successful career in business, such as self-belief, self-awareness, intentional goal setting, and much more.

Conclusion

A career in business could be very lucrative, and you could do something you enjoy besides. For the best results, do something that aligns well with your skills and interests. Get help from an experienced coach if you need to, and remember to organize your documents, digitally or otherwise, to present yourself at your best to potential employers.

Image via Unsplash

By Thomas Duncan Bell. #Mywholeself.

Posted on 18/03/202318/03/2023 by David Taylor

By Thomas Duncan Bell. #Mywholeself.

As a guy who was damaged terribly by his upbringing, I understand more than most that looking after a child’s mental health is essential for their overall wellbeing and development.

To be clear, a child’s mental health refers to their emotional, #psychological, and #socialwellbeing, and it impacts their ability to form relationships, learn, and thrive. So supporting early stage development is paramount as a parent, whether you feel equipped or not. And trust me, when my son was born 5 years ago, I did not think of myself as equipped, there’s no shame in that.

Here are some key ways to look after a child’s mental health:

– Foster a supportive and loving environment. Children need to feel loved, accepted, and supported by their parents/caregivers. Encourage them to express their emotions and feelings and validate their experiences.

– Create routines and structure: Children thrive in #predictableenvironments with clear expectations and routines. Establish consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, and playtimes to help them feel secure.

– Encourage physical activity: Exercise is essential for mental health, and it can help reduce stress and anxiety. Encourage your child to engage in physical activities that they enjoy, like playing outside or participating in a sports team, but ultimately, support them to see that being physical is a positive thing, encourage it, it will serve them well later in life, even if you have to spend longer in the rain or the cold every now and then.

– Limit screen time: Excessive screen time can impact a child’s mental health, including sleep, social skills, and attention span. It will release dopamine hits in relation to spoon fed media, not off the back of real life experiences, like family breakfast, adventures in the woods etc. Set limits on screen time and encourage alternative activities, like reading or playing board games.

– Promote good sleep habits: Sleep is crucial for mental and physical health. Establish a regular bedtime routine, limit caffeine and sugar intake, and create a calming sleep environment. I personally don’t read to my son, I make up stories for him every night as we lay in the dark, he makes choices in those stories as to what happens next, who the characters are etc. and before long he’s sleeping off the back of the sound of my calm voice, thus re-enforcing our connection and how he feels when in my presence.

– Seek professional help when needed: If you notice concerning behaviour, changes in mood or appetite, or signs of anxiety or depression, seek professional help from a mental health provider. But DO NOT opt for medication until you’ve done your job as a parent and put the hours in with alternative processes. It’s important to be guided by practitioners but not driven by them. This is your child and they deserve your time. Looking for a practitioner…. https://thelondonlifecoachingcompany.com/

By prioritizing a child’s mental health you can help they thrive and develop into happy, healthy adults. And it’s not always easy, but it’s simple to make the effort.

Want to connect with Thomas? reach him here https://www.mywholeself.co.uk/